https://i.ytimg.com/an_webp/IUjdGmmEHJs/mqdefault_6s.webp?du=3000&sqp=CIjF36UG&rs=AOn4CLAw-YhhknX26XOpHlub8Lgh6LztBA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rymx-ckp540&list=PLS2mx6mjPfraHbPcPLlnHFOP2QwefhgWZ&index=12&t=16s&pp=iAQB
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLS2mx6mjPfrZ2DhNSk5iglw5_iBI6-ItF
Eulogy for Mary Alice “Kandy” Graves
Stuart
We
gather today to celebrate the beautiful life of Mary Alice Graves Stuart,
lovingly known to family and friends as Kandy — a remarkable woman of deep
faith, wisdom, and unwavering love.
Kandy
was born on May 4, 1925, at home on the family farm in Howe, Texas, with a
midwife assisting. She was welcomed into a loving farming family, the daughter
of Christian parents who instilled in her the values of faith, hard work, and
compassion. Alongside her older brother John and younger brother Frank, she
grew up surrounded by the warmth of family, the strength of community, and the
guidance of their church.
In
1934, when Kandy was only nine, her mother, Noness, passed away. After her mother’s death, she took on a
nurturing role within her family — watching over her little brother who was 5
by protecting him at school during recess, and later as he grew up by even
doing his chores when football practices ran late. Her grandfather would gently
scold her for it, but her compassion always outweighed her caution. From the
beginning, Kandy lived out what it meant to love sacrificially and to care
deeply.
Sundays
were a special joy for her. She loved going to church with her grandfathers and
cherished those quiet rides together. Even as a child, she found peace and
purpose in worship — her faith was not just a part of her life; it was her
life’s foundation.
Kandy
excelled in school and even played girls’ basketball in high school. It was
there that a friend decided they all needed matching nicknames beginning with
“K.” The name “Kandy” was chosen for her, and it stuck — a fitting reflection
of her sweet spirit and kindness that everyone who knew her could see.
After
high school, Kandy showed courage and determination once again by leaving home
to attend the Texas College of Mines and Metallurgy (which became University of
Texas El Paso). She was put on a train (for her first train ride) to travel to
college. Her grandfather gave her $10
upon the condition that she did not tell anyone he gave it to her.
After
graduation, while Bob finished law school in Austin, Kandy returned home to
Melissa Texas to work in a local bank. On June 7, 1947, they were married in El
Paso, surrounded by family and friends — the beginning of a lifetime of
partnership and devotion. Together, they moved to start their life in Wichita
Falls and built a life defined by service, integrity, and love.
Bob
began his family law practice and Kandy raised two beautiful daughters- the
only way she knew how…with faith, frugality and a nurturing spirit.
Even
with the loss of their son, Bob, Jr, at a few days of life, Kandy’s faith was
not shaken but continued to grow. She
was known for her budget friendly habits that she learned on the farm. She would wash and fold the aluminum foil to
reuse. As well, she was quick to collect
the Christmas boxes after opening to be used for next year, at least I know my
Christmas present was in the same box for many years.
Not
until recently had Sheri been made aware of how special their childhood had
been when several different friends confided in her that the model that Kandy had
demonstrated to them showed them that being a good mother was possible in spite
of the dysfunction in their own homes.
Kandy
remained in Wichita Falls for almost 15 years after Bob’s passing and continued
active in Grace Church as a greeter and chaired the Meal Train for many
years.
After
she had moved to Wichita Kansas, people would ask her the secret of her health,
and she would respond humbly “it’s God”. But she and Bob had ridden 25-mile
bike races and played tennis into her late 70’s. She stopped playing tennis in
her late 70’s because “she didn’t want to bother anyone if she were to fall and
get hurt.” So, she turned to a safer
regiment walking 2 miles and lifting weights at the YMCA 3 days a week well
into her late 80’s.
Kandy
had sent to Sheri a poem that she had typed a poem and had written on a piece
of paper “Humility is accepting the part God has written for us.”
I
tried to search the internet for the source of the poem and couldn’t find it,
so it may be her own composition.
IN THIS I WILL REST
He will keep me in His love,
And give me grace in this trial to behave as His child.
And then ,He will make this trial a blessing.
Working in me the grace that He has prepared for me.
Last, in His good time, He will bring me out again.
How and when He knows, therefore I say-
I am here by God’s appointment,
In God’s keeping
Under His instruction,
For His time.
Kandy’s
life was indeed run with perseverance as we are told to do in Hebrews 12:1. And
without a doubt she has entered her reward and the rest that has been so richly
deserved.
Please
pray with me:
Heavenly
Father,
We thank you for the life of your servant, Kandy— for her faith that inspired
us, her love that embraced us, and her example that will continue to guide us.
We rejoice that she is now in your presence, reunited with loved ones and
surrounded by your glory. Grant us comfort in our sorrow, strength in our
memories, and hope in the promise of eternal life through Jesus Christ our
Lord.
Amen.
Mary "Kandy" Alice Stuart
Obituary
( May 4,
1925 - October 20, 2025 )
Mary
Alice Stuart, 100 years old, formerly of Wichita Falls, passed away on Monday,
October 20, 2025, in Wichita, Kansas.
The
family will receive friends at a visitation from 5:00 until 6:00 p.m. on
Sunday, October 26th at Lunn’s. Funeral services will be at 10:00 a.m. on
Monday, October 27th in Lunn’s Chapel with Reggie Coe officiating. Interment
will follow at Crestview Memorial Park under the direction of Lunn’s Colonial
Funeral Home.
She
was the only daughter of the late Noness (Rogers) and Marshall P. Graves. Mary
Alice, better known as “Kandy,” was born on May 4, 1925, in Howe, Texas, at
home on the farm. In 1934, when Kandy was only nine, her mother, Noness,
passed away. It was a heartbreaking loss that forever shaped her faith and
character. In her own words, Kandy shared that during those lonely nights, she
began reading her Bible before bed — and it was there, through Scripture, that
she first felt the comforting presence of God. That experience rooted her in
the steadfast faith that guided her for the rest of her life. Even as a young
girl, Kandy’s strength of spirit and heart for others were evident. She lived
out what it meant to love sacrificially and to care deeply.
Kandy
excelled in school and played girls’ basketball in high school. After high
school, Kandy showed her courage and determination once again by leaving home
to attend the Texas College of Mines and Metallurgy in El Paso (known now as
University of Texas at El Paso). She worked throughout college to pay for her
education, joined Zeta Tau Alpha sorority, and graduated with a bachelor’s
degree in business, focusing on bookkeeping.
It
was in El Paso that she met the love of her life, Bob Stuart. In a twist of
fate and confidence, Kandy was the one who asked Bob out first — inviting him
to a sorority dance. From that moment on, they never dated anyone else. Their
love grew steady and sure, grounded in friendship, faith, and shared dreams.
Throughout
her life, Kandy was humble, yet always ready to serve when called. Though she
preferred being in the background, she led with quiet strength — serving as PTA
President, President of the Women’s Organization, and later as the first woman
on the Board of Trustees for the Wichita Falls Presbyterian Manor. She often
insisted that her role was “honorary” and that she contributed very little, but
those who knew her recognized the depth of her influence and the example she
set.
Kandy’s
life was a tapestry of faith, perseverance, generosity, and grace. She loved
deeply — her family, her friends, and her Lord. She was a remarkable mom and
wisely raised her daughters with love. Her life reminds us that greatness often
comes not from public recognition but from daily acts of kindness, steadfast
faith, and the quiet strength of a servant’s heart. She ran her race
faithfully, she kept her faith firmly, and now she rests in the eternal
presence of her Savior.
Kandy
was preceded in death by her parents, by her husband, Robert R Stuart in 2000
and their son, Robert Ross Stuart, Jr. 1952, and by her brothers John and Frank
Graves.
She
is survived by her daughter, Kathy Filbert, and her daughter Sheri Smith and
husband, Dr. John Paul Smith. She is survived by her grandchildren: Alicia
Brinlee (Clay), Mandie Speegle (Jason), Kolby Smith (Janae), and Monica Gibbs
(Curt). Survived also by great-grandchildren Kendal Brinlee, Kaleb Smith
(Mady), Kenzi Smith, Edwin, Isaac and Maggie Speegle and Nora Gibbs, Bailey
Venegoni (Jordan), and Layne Swan. And, survived by great-great grandchildren
Koltyn, Ansleigh, Kinleigh Smith, and Valen Venegoni.
In
lieu of Flowers, donations can be sent to:
Wichita Falls Area Food Bank, 1230 Midwestern Parkway 76302.
Grace Church, 5214 Stone Lake Dr., Wichita Falls, TX. 76310
Asbury Church, 2801 W. 15th Street, Wichita, Kansas 67203
Good Shepherd Hospice, 7829 E Rockhill, Suite 403, Wichita,
Kansas 67206
Presbyterian Manor Good Samaritan Fund of Wichita, Kansas,
W 13th Street N, Wichita, Kansas
67212
𝄞 When someone heard Monica sing, I was asked once if she came from a musical family. My first response was no, except for her but it caused me to think more carefully about my answer. The earliest memories of music in my family like would have been on Sunset Dr as Ricky and I grew up. I can remember piano lessons in grade school around age 8-10. Liz Fenn (Grannie Liz) to us lived down the street and I seem to remember taking lessons from her as did Ricky. This was before we had a piano and I recall practicing an "air piano" until we got one. The lessons didn't last long for either of us.
Advance mental preparation to retire
Knowing when it is time to Retire
Advance preparation financially
Budget for the future
Changes in spending in retirement
Three Phases of Retirement
Go-go
Slow-go
No-go
Reasons to Retire
Disability
Forced retirement
Planned retirement
Concept of Redirection as opposed to Retirement
Preventing failure in Retirement
Purpose VS Identity- your why in life
How not to fail in Retirement Written in 2017
While I certainly don’t ascribe
to or follow Eastern mysticism, retirement seems to follow the Tao’s yin and
yang duality philosophy. The yin/yang is
described as opposites being connected and interrelated like dark and light,
good and bad, etc. Work and retirement
seems to be that way also with opposites being connected. I checked in the
Bible to see if there was some guidance.
There is very little indications that retirement was considered in the
Old and New Testament except for some of the temple positions. So the Bible didn’t provide much guidance and
some of those dudes worked past 120 years old with some regularity.
I have been studying and reading prior to and since my retirement and
the more I look at the issue the more complex it seems. The fact is that it is an abrupt change in
life. You can’t really be partially
retired. To your coworkers you’re either
pulling your share or your dogging. Either
you are retired or you are not. Trying
to slow down didn’t work very well for me.
I began my process almost 18
months before I started my retirement. I
began reading everything I could on the topic much like I approached my
career. I began quizzing everyone I know
who had recently retired and some who had been retired for a while. Asking what they did, how they decided, what
they were doing differently now and how they felt. The thing that I have learned is that no two
retirements are the same. I found it
helpful to tell someone about my plans although I didn’t tell my staff until 6
months and the patients I was only able to give a month warning. While the mental and psychological
preparation was difficult, you can’t omit the physical preparation. I am afraid that I approached the finish line
like the marathon runner on fumes. The
last few years I didn’t make exercise as big a priority as I should and now it
is much more difficult to make up for lost time.
It is hard and it is easy. It is easy in that you just stop going to
work and you are retired. The financial
part was actually easier than I thought.
While early in my career the financial part was the most daunting part
of the retirement picture. We were
fortunate to have great counsel from a financial planner that helped set us a
plan that we stuck too. He was able to tell
me when enough was enough. It is hard in
that the most of the time there is really no plan or procedure after the actual
stopping your job. No training occurs
for retirement. It causes joy and
sadness. Most of us are lucky enough to
love what we do and we are the fortunate ones.
Some people are anxious to retire and never look back. Retiring certainly allows us to do things we
weren’t able to do before or maybe not as often, so that part is fun. Bur sometimes what we did was fun or at least
part of it. Work is kind of like Italian
dressing. When you are working, you are
constantly shaking the jar and all the particles floating around are like the
good and bad things of your work. When
you retire, the bad particles settle and aren’t as noticeable as before but you
can definitely taste the difference.
The lack of an organized schedule
was one of the hardest things I dealt with upon retiring. Being free to do whatever you want is much like
the caged bird the when the door is opened to his cage, he just sits there
looking at the door to freedom.
Not everyone retires for the same
reason. Health forces some to retire and
it can be unanticipated and undesired.
The transition for those is much more difficult until the realities of the
reason for their retirement sets are accepted.
The responsibilities of work that are lessened by retirement can ease
the physical, emotional and mental stress that sometimes you don’t realize you
have til its gone. That defense
mechanism is very strong while you work.
With a change in schedule and responsibilities sometimes comes over
commitments to new opportunities. It is
easy to become too busy too quickly.
Some suggest to not to commit to long term obligations until 6 months of
retirement pass.
There is a clear distinction
between quitting, giving up and retirement.
Not in what you do afterwards but how your see yourself. We are encouraged to never give up, don’t
quit for all our lives. So, one has to
mentally convince yourself that you have retired not quit! It also takes time to adjust to the change
from bread winner to bread eater. We
have been encouraged to save to build and accumulate. Retirement signals that you reached the point
of becoming a consumer of the storehouse we constructed and truly have begun
the downhill slide. That is a very
difficult spot to reach where you say I have enough. In order to do so you must be a planner and a
plodder or a lottery winner. It is not
in our DNA to deny ourselves for the long term and then just turn that off. I found it difficult to get used to not
having people constantly ask my opinion or insights. While it was sometimes bothersome, when it
was gone it was eerie!
So what do you do? If you are fortunate enough to be able to see
and achieve the finish line of your career, than take some time to rest, think
and reflect before jumping back into something.
Journaling seems to be helpful in sorting thru priorities. Take 3-6 months before making big commitments,
but don’t do nothing. By all means don’t
fail at retirement. That would be
defined as going back to work when you didn’t have too or need or because you
are bored. Accepting a new job or
position takes on a new reality when you know you don’t have to or need to
work. Take time to flesh out your
retirement plans. I find that continuing
to set goals for myself is helpful to be able to check my progress. Also, having an accountability partner is
helpful, sometimes for both of you. It
can be someone who is either ahead of you or behind you. Both can be beneficial.
Then start looking forward. Look onward to new opportunities, new
adventures. Like the old saying,
“Sometimes you have to do the things you don’t want to do when you don’t want
to do them, so that you will be able to do the things you want to do when you
want to do them.”
Places:
Osteopathic Hospital of Wichita 2622 West Central for 6 months in the old radiology section of the hospital
753 N West Street
3540 West Douglas Suite
731 N McLean Suite 100
723 N McLean Suite 330
4013 N Ridge Road Suite 100
4013 N Ridge Road Suite 210
People:
John P Smith, DO 1981
Jerry Gaston DO 1998
Bruce Thomas, DO
Don Vasques, DO
David Acuna, DO
Stephanie Oberhelman, DO
Steven Olson, MD
Adam Misasi, MD
Jared Walters, DO
Simone Culver, PA
Jill Smith, APRN
Allison Dick, APRN
While talking to my brother Rick the other day, I was reminded of a gift that I received and I don't think that I ever acknowledged. All thru high school I had intended to go to college. Never once did mom or dad discourage my "plans", but looking back now I am sure they must have stressed and worried how we could afford college. I wanted to be a doctor. In the summertime we as kids would spend a great deal of time at Bridwell Park in my early teens. It was probably 8-10 blocks from our home and we would ride our bikes there to play. There I met Bud Lucas. He was old (probably late 50's) at that time, at least 60 or so. But he had a career in the circus and he began to work for the Wichita Falls Parks Department with a summer program for kids to put on a Circus each summer. He worked with kids to develop many acts of tumbling, teeter board, trampoline, high wire and yes, even trapeze. I was hooked and learned many tumbling and juggling skills and the first year was able to perform on the rolling globe. That was a 3 foot in diameter ball that I would balance, walk down stairs and juggle while walking. The apex of the year was when we would have a parade downtown on the way to Spudder Park for the circus performance at the end of summer. But the next year I was able to join the trapeze Troup. We actually made our own net for the trapeze rigging. For the only time in my life I was too large to be a 'flyer" (the one who does all the flips and stuff). Keep in mind that my drivers license at age 14 said that I was 5 foot 4 inches and 104 pounds. But I was able to be the "catcher". That is the guy that hangs upside down and catches the flyers after they do their trick. It was during the second summer that I got a job with the YMCA teaching tumbling lessons, probably between my freshman and sophomore year at school.
It was great fun for a couple of summers. I had lettered in junior high school as a pole vaulter but didn't compete much since I injured my ankle. In high school I was a gym leader and we did what would be called gymnastics. So doing flips and working on the high bar and parallel bars was a natural and fun for me since I had been doing it for a while. As I reached the point of seriously considering colleges and beginning the process, I found that there was one college with a Circus Performance degree at Florida State University. I applied for a scholarship and missed the application deadline by one day and gave up my dream of being in the Circus for ever. Academically, I didn't qualify for full scholarship to anywhere but I could go to Midwestern University at home in Wichita Falls since I had a place to live and eat at home. I must have known but Rick reminded me that Herman and Beverly Balch, who were dear and trusted friends of mom and dad, actually gave us the money for my first year of college. I was then able to get loans from the Methodist Church, and Knights Templar every year. Those with my full time job that started 1969 at Wichita General Hospital in the OR allowed me to work my way thru college.
Payne Update
I have continued
to stay in touch with Helen and recently I received a call from here asking if
I was going to be in town for a while.
She knows that we travel and are in and out frequently. The reason was to tell me she was sending me
a letter about Junior. I received the
letter dated July 1. She told me that
she has had several contacts with Junior as we knew him over the years since
Pawpaw died in 1981. Mostly it was for
help financially. Helen always helped
him out whenever he asks. He referred to
himself as Bill Payne. (His real name
was Cleo William Payne, Junior.) In May
a friend of Bills called Helen and told her that he was in real bad medical
shape. Helen was not able to find him as
he had been in and out of the hospital and nursing home. She hired a private detective to find him and
he was in a nursing home.
Junior
or Bill has a half brother who we know as
Helen
asked Eddie when he called her to keep in contact with me since I am Helen’s
trustee, so I received a call from him several weeks ago. We had a great visit and he brought me up to
date on his life and I updated him on the Smith side of the family.
|
Edward Arnold Scheu |
1943 |
|
Linda Franks Fowler |
1947 |
|
Cleo William Payne, Jr |
1948 |
|
John Paul Smith, Jr |
1949 |
|
Richard Allen Smith |
1951 |
Eddie joined the Air Force and
served 6 years before joining the Merchant Marines. He has lived around the world in
Eddie
is currently 63 years old. He told me
that Gwen has died in 1989 in
Helen
has now moved into an assisted living facility and I think she is pleased to
have that transition made. She sounded
stronger this last time we visited than in a while. Her health remains about the same.
John
